Hard Time

So last night I discovered that I'm still having a hard time with what happened to Keaton. If your not aware of what happened GO HERE and read my story of what happened. But anyway last I was talking to Keaton and I said something about it was almost a year ago that he was conceived and I was like WOW that seems like FOREVER ago. I stated that my pregnancy seemed like it took forever, being on bedrest for 4 months was the kicker that made it seem so long. I said its kinda funny it seems like forever but yet when we say he's almost 2 months old and it doesn't seem that long ago that we had him but yet the 2 weeks we were in the hospital seemed like 2 months. Then we started talking, again, about how that was such HELL for us. I started to think about all that I went through up there and broke down crying again. Last week I had a flash back type thing to the day I had Keaton and that Kobe went to stay with my dad for the night and had yet another break down and cried. I can merely just think about it and cry. I would think I'd be over this by now. I mean seriously its been 2 months. But I think I'm not able to get over it because I never really had a full blow "emotional break down". I love my mom dearly but she was always there keeping me strong and when I'd cry she'd tell me I needed to be strong for Keaton. While we were in the hospital I seriously would cry at the drop of a hat, you could look at me wrong and I'd cry. So I was discussing this with Jeff last night and he asked me do you think its a little big Post Partum Depression? I said hell more like PTSD (Post Tramatic Stress Disorder) lol. I don't think its Post Partum honestly cause I don't feel its like that but just when I think about that insodent I get upset. *sigh* I dont' know I just wish I could look back at those 2 weeks and not be so sad but be happy for the wonderful nurses and doctors that cared for my very sick little boy and made him better, and kept him here with me.